So, what about the grey swan?

Or was she just too average to contend with? Too mentally stable?

Black Swan? Hmmm. Yea, so I liked it. It was akin to being pummeled with GCSE-styling metaphor (do you get it? can you see what’s happening? don’t forget to write that in your essay? it’s really important that you get it? write it down on your cue cards – black and white.).

I feel like we should have been given a Dulux style sample card on entering the cinema. Ok, so if she’s wearing:

White = Good and lovely but prim and proper (and she doesn’t even know she has a vagina)
Grey = Normal (too boring for us to deal with in the film, she definitely doesn’t eat water sodden toilet roll for breakfast and probably has a fairly healthy sense of self)
Black = Passionate and sexual, and therefore completely psychotic and will cut you
Grey + White = Blah
Grey + Pink = Blah
Grey + Black = Verging on psychotic but still wearing white panties

Do you understand? Great, please take your seat. And don’t forget about the nails!

Hey, like I said, I think I sorted of liked it. It was sort of women-hatey and ballet-hatey and one-dimensional (but in three colour dimensions – white/grey/black (oh and some pink – see Dulux samples so you can understand because it is a bit of a brain stretch)) and it was choc full of AMAZING* actresses (forget ‘Hannah and Her Sisters’, Barbara Hershey was in ‘Falling Down’) who excel at playing mentals. Did you see Natalie Portman in her seminal role as Sam in ‘Garden State’? AMAZING – she is the number one manic pixie dream girl of our dreams. And Mila Kunis? She’s Meg from ‘Family Guy’, and you will not be able to rid that from your mind as you watch – Natalie Portman is getting all psycho over Meg from ‘Family Guy’.

*where AMAZING is used please insert blahrahrah

Sorry for all the parentheses, I thought them necessary. And it’s worth watching just so you can figure out a way to try and convince yourself that is it good, when essentially it’s just a film about mental women with nail files, ballet shoes and big-teethy mothers.

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  1. Janey Mac
    This was Posted on

    Barbara Hershey in ‘Hoosiers’ and ‘Beaches’ too. The GCSE thing was pretty spot-on. Do you think the film was a metaphor for the cold war/death of JFK/Irish revolution?

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