and rant. I couldn’t stop myself. The words fell out and now they’re here, unedited.
Pink coats are blowing up! I wish they were. I wish they were being blown up into little confetti-sized pieces, a wool/polyester blend fragranced potpourri in memoriam of fashion. I’ve been reading about pink coats for months and now they’re here. Yaaaaaaawn. If Lauren Laverne is telling us pink coats are cool then it’s too late and we’ll be scraping them off the backside of 2014.
This Is My Jam (don’t trust the haters)
I like it. You know why I like it? Because it’s people sharing music and the only thing better than people sharing music is people sharing books. This Is My Jam haters are not to be trusted, especially the ones who do the funny ‘My new jam is Bon Maman Raspberry’ on Twitter. Tee-hee! Those witty bastards are the worst, if they had a jam to share you can bet your last egg on it being Belle and Sebastian or The (fucking) Staves.
I live here. Please stop moving here, I need to buy a house. Come and visit, buy stuff, don’t litter, eat pizza and then leave. Seriously.
When I was wee we had a burger night tea, I think it was on a Saturday. To paraphrase Elton John, Saturday night’s alright for burgers. I only ate the patty because I didn’t eat anything that wasn’t meat, meat juice or Jaffa Cakes. Burgers are great but queuing for burgers? Exsqueeze me? A baking powder? No.
What’s going on? Bikes are cool (and have been for a while) but never forget that once upon a time yo-yos were cool. I like bikes and cycling is faster than walking. But now that cycling is COOL you’ve got to be on your game. ‘member when you wore old jeans and a t-shirt that doubled as a nightie on your cycle to work? Those days are gone. Now you need to drop £200 on a jacket or weird ‘cycle skirt’ and steez your way past those fluro-festooned commuters. There are cycle cafes. Where are the yo-yo cafes?
PS. There’s a cat cafe coming to London. WTF.
We’re hashtagging our lives away. What’s that? You think Olympus Has Fallen is the #best #movie #ever. You say you’re being #ironic. I say you’re an #idiot.
Note: I love coats. I like bikes. I love cats. I’m basically the person I hate and I’m ranting on.