So, what are you wearing? I’d like to load up on the following if at all possible. Yes, please and thank you. Click the images for links to spend your dough.

The Hour is austere, brought to you via the Brannan filter on our Instagram app, all colours hunkering down together, unremarkable bar the red, blue and teal green that scratch the dull glassy reality of it all. The post-war reality of it all.

This isn’t Mad Men, at least not yet. Bosoms aren’t quite heaving, the leather watch straps are dull and worn, the shoes matte. It’s all in the detail, the pulled thread. For Bel the material is thick, rubs against the skin and is ready to be worn. The cut is tailored but frayed, fitted and made to work – the only way a hand will find its way up that skirt is if those heavy buttons are undone with slow, considered fingers.

Go Bel! Our woman in the drab man’s world, slightly frayed around the edges with eyes shining. Just don’t drink too much whiskey…

Watch The Hour. Let’s hope it gets better…

I love all of these.

The first two are Sabrina Dehoff, the bear is by Ease at Found in Bath, the three drop necklace by Michi and the lion is from chainchainchained on Etsy.

It was a photo on Instagram from Nice Brew Design that started this all. Bad Instagram.

I find myself becoming more and more obsessed with nail polish, this likely stems from the fact that I used to have a major issue with it as I have ridiculously tiny fingernails, like baby nails (see bottom of the post for pics). So, drawing attention to them seemed like a bad idea at the time. Why draw attention to yet another of my flaws (boo hoo). Now I’m well and truly over it and whenever I see a woman with tiny nails I feel like running up to her and shaking my (ludicrously painted) nails in her face. I feel that she will understand. She’ll look at my baby nails, grab my hand, a single tear rolling down her cheek and she’ll bear hug me. A small-nailed sisterly celebration. Praise be!

So, now I’m like, eff it. EFF IT. Spring/Summer offers up the best colours and sunlight embraces your ridiculous choices. Keep your berries, navys, blacks and greys for the darker months and formal occasions. Reds are always good but the brighter the better from May to September, I like the Models Own selection of reds. And keep the nails short for the big colours, otherwise you’ll look mental.

I’m giving my tiny painted middle fingernail the finger to the world (it’s Essie Tart Deco if you’re interested).

I like these:

Pretty Edgy by Essie. I wore this not long ago and a guy asked me if I was celebrating St Patrick’s day. It’s green.

Celestial by Topshop. A really lovely blue sky with puffy white clouds colour. Nice and contrasty when you’re wearing grey/black.

Birthday Babe by OPI. It’s silver. People will look at your nails, then look to you and not say anything because they’re slightly freaked out. Don’t be freaked out, it’s just silver nail polish, I haven’t gone all robocop on you.

Mimosa by Chanel. Yellow nail polish? How can it work? I have no idea but it does. This one is probably top of the pile (and price range) but if you’re looking for one with more of a shimmer try Mavala Acid Yellow.

Coralicious by Rimmel. Damn, this is a good colour. Great for fingers and toes and a cheapy.

Zoya for your top coat.

If you love nails as much as me, head to Wah Nails and they’ll do you up good and proper.

Black Swan? Hmmm. Yea, so I liked it. It was akin to being pummeled with GCSE-styling metaphor (do you get it? can you see what’s happening? don’t forget to write that in your essay? it’s really important that you get it? write it down on your cue cards – black and white.).

I feel like we should have been given a Dulux style sample card on entering the cinema. Ok, so if she’s wearing:

White = Good and lovely but prim and proper (and she doesn’t even know she has a vagina)
Grey = Normal (too boring for us to deal with in the film, she definitely doesn’t eat water sodden toilet roll for breakfast and probably has a fairly healthy sense of self)
Black = Passionate and sexual, and therefore completely psychotic and will cut you
Grey + White = Blah
Grey + Pink = Blah
Grey + Black = Verging on psychotic but still wearing white panties

Do you understand? Great, please take your seat. And don’t forget about the nails!

Hey, like I said, I think I sorted of liked it. It was sort of women-hatey and ballet-hatey and one-dimensional (but in three colour dimensions – white/grey/black (oh and some pink – see Dulux samples so you can understand because it is a bit of a brain stretch)) and it was choc full of AMAZING* actresses (forget ‘Hannah and Her Sisters’, Barbara Hershey was in ‘Falling Down’) who excel at playing mentals. Did you see Natalie Portman in her seminal role as Sam in ‘Garden State’? AMAZING – she is the number one manic pixie dream girl of our dreams. And Mila Kunis? She’s Meg from ‘Family Guy’, and you will not be able to rid that from your mind as you watch – Natalie Portman is getting all psycho over Meg from ‘Family Guy’.

*where AMAZING is used please insert blahrahrah

Sorry for all the parentheses, I thought them necessary. And it’s worth watching just so you can figure out a way to try and convince yourself that is it good, when essentially it’s just a film about mental women with nail files, ballet shoes and big-teethy mothers.