Rave

and rant. I couldn’t stop myself. The words fell out and now they’re here, unedited.

Pink coats
Pink coats are blowing up! I wish they were. I wish they were being blown up into little confetti-sized pieces, a wool/polyester blend fragranced potpourri in memoriam of fashion. I’ve been reading about pink coats for months and now they’re here. Yaaaaaaawn. If Lauren Laverne is telling us pink coats are cool then it’s too late and we’ll be scraping them off the backside of 2014.

coats that are pink

This Is My Jam (don’t trust the haters)
I like it. You know why I like it? Because it’s people sharing music and the only thing better than people sharing music is people sharing books. This Is My Jam haters are not to be trusted, especially the ones who do the funny ‘My new jam is Bon Maman Raspberry’ on Twitter. Tee-hee! Those witty bastards are the worst, if they had a jam to share you can bet your last egg on it being Belle and Sebastian or The (fucking) Staves.

Peckham
I live here. Please stop moving here, I need to buy a house. Come and visit, buy stuff, don’t litter, eat pizza and then leave. Seriously.

god loves peckham

Burgers
When I was wee we had a burger night tea, I think it was on a Saturday. To paraphrase Elton John, Saturday night’s alright for burgers. I only ate the patty because I didn’t eat anything that wasn’t meat, meat juice or Jaffa Cakes. Burgers are great but queuing for burgers? Exsqueeze me? A baking powder? No.

Bikes/Cycling
What’s going on? Bikes are cool (and have been for a while) but never forget that once upon a time yo-yos were cool. I like bikes and cycling is faster than walking. But now that cycling is COOL you’ve got to be on your game. ‘member when you wore old jeans and a t-shirt that doubled as a nightie on your cycle to work? Those days are gone. Now you need to drop £200 on a jacket or weird ‘cycle skirt’ and steez your way past those fluro-festooned commuters. There are cycle cafes. Where are the yo-yo cafes?
PS. There’s a cat cafe coming to London. WTF.

Hashtags
We’re hashtagging our lives away. What’s that? You think Olympus Has Fallen is the #best #movie #ever. You say you’re being #ironic. I say you’re an #idiot.

Note: I love coats. I like bikes. I love cats. I’m basically the person I hate and I’m ranting on.

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Within the binary world of coded zeros and ones arises a choir of disembodied literary voices…

Rick Whitaker ‘steals’ the words of other writers to make his own world in An Honest Ghost.

“…Rick Whitaker’s semi-autobiographical novel, An Honest Ghost, consists entirely of sentences appropriated from over 500 books. Whitaker limited himself to using 300 words per book (in accordance with Fair Use); never taking two sentences together; and never making any changes, even to punctuation. In the iBook version, touching a sentence brings up its original source: a book’s title, author, and page number.

The experience of acknowledging each sentence as literary artifact, combined with the imagined accretion of books that built An Honest Ghost, deftly mirrors the burgeoning nostalgia in the narrator’s voice and, fittingly, in the careful reader’s heart.”

“…you can connect all at once with the full panoply of ghosts haunting the story, Shakespeare (for the title), Hart Crane, Susan Sontag, Thomas Bernhard, Plato, James Joyce, Chekhov, Virginia Woolf, Edmund White, Colette, Janet Malcolm, hundreds of others all chiming in.”

Beautiful.

More info Pre-Order

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‘Olympus Has Fallen’ or, as I like to call it, ‘Shift 3: Rise of the Hashtag’

This has to be one of the greatest moments in film history.

Someone got Oscar nominee Angela Bassett to shout ‘Shift 3!’ forming part of the deactivation code that resulted in America not being obliterated by its own nuclear weapons. All I can assume from this is that Secret Service Director Lynne Jacobs, played by Bassett, is one serious PC-using Twittering motherfucker. Oh, and Mike Banning, the Secret Service Agent played by Gerard Butler (‘Don’t let yersel luke tirrred. Nuff said.’), needs to work on his keyboard skillz.

Seriously Gerard, you have a Twitter account.

hashtag

Someone wrote this script. Think about that.

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